Things every SEO freelancer faces around the world dealing with clients and vice versa

When will we rank on page 1 of google?
I want to rank for a thousand most competitive Keywords.
I Pay you, so you have to either write/ arrange and content yourself.
Website, I Know you can design/ develop it too.
Just make something on canva, I don’t need to pay graphic designer (thanks to canva).

OH, so can you edit the video’s too.
I don’t know how to click or create pictures of my own products/ services can you help in that too, I m sure we don’t need to hire anyone.
Why don’t we have to grow on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest and other social media?
I’m sorry I don’t know what to expect from SEO, but I would probably need sales daily and everything pointing up, also send a daily work report.

I services in 5km around the local location but I need all the leads to be from the sates but won’t entertain call or mails on time.
Do you Know How to Run ads, don’t you?
Isn’t digital marketing and SEO are same?
Why do we need quality Hosting?
Can we get SSL certification for free?
Why Do I need to share my Id’s and passwords with you?
2 step verification on everything and won’t provide the OTP at least for an hour and let it expire at least twice.

Can we always have calls and meetings at odd hours and I’m sorry I don’t have a proper network whenever I call?
its been almost a month but I don’t see my keywords ranking and why I’m not getting a call for sales.
Reports you can send it on mail, WhatsApp, but still, you will need to call and explain and read out everything out for about five times.
Payments will always be delayed due to some or other issue.

But we SEO’s are also not pure angle’s, we too do things to clients

Customers: How long will it take to rank?
SEO: just 45 days but to be safe I will ask for three months

Customer: What SEO strategy will you use?
SEO: I will do etc., etc., etc. for these many days and boom, you will rank.

Customer: anything else do I need to know?
SEO: No sir/ma’am.

but won’t tell,

you will not rank for poor content; you will not rank for poor website design or development,
you will need to hire almost ten others along with me for a crazy result.
You need content writer, graphic designer, developer, video editor, a social media expert, and a great cameraman.
I would require all your passwords and ids if possible you credit card details too,
won’t tell you how much or when these technics got outdated, but since you want to report I will do it anyway.
Digital marketing is a huge investment you will need hosting, content, sales, and other things too.
I don’t know whether these things will work in this ever-changing SEO world but will probably do experiments on your business.
With my little to no experience but I still guaranteed to rank your website on top.
Google is the only one that atually matters.